The Horror

Getting back on the trainer last night hurt. It hurt bad.

But not in the way you would think. Sure the butt is a little (ok a lot) tender, and I pedalled in squares for the first 5 minutes, but overall I felt pretty good and was able to reach and maintain a respectable cadence. Eventually.

It hurt because I thought by the time I was back from Arizona I’d be back on the road.┬áIf you’re wondering why I don’t go outside, it’s because by the time I get home from work, make dinner, feed the family, badger the boys to do their homework, clean up from dinner, and change my clothes, it’s like, midnight. And it’s cold and slippery and I guess I’m a bit of a suck.

When I don’t have a specific workout to do, just an hour or two of aerobic spinning, I like to watch TV or a movie. There isn’t a TV in my pain cave, so I schlep my laptop downstairs and set it on the desk in front of my bike. It’s ghetto home theatre at its finest.

For some reason, my film genre of choice while I bike is horror. I’ve never been a fan of scary movies, but I’ve tried action, rom-com (gag) and drama, but nothing seems to get me going like a good old “don’t go into the basement with your high heels on!!!!” horror film. It’s especially effective if I turn the lights off.

Speaking of horror, when Lon Haldeman was training for RAAM, he would do 8 hour sessions on rollers in his basement in the dark. This, he said, was more for mental training than physical training. Mental is right.

Last night I watched Daybreakers, a movie about vampires who have taken over the world and are now perilously close to running out of blood supply. There’s a great riot scene in front of a “blood cafe” that is eerily similar to one I saw outside a Starbucks one morning when the barista in training couldn’t figure out how the coffee maker worked.

It stars Ethan (ug) Hawke, who not only resembles a prepubescent rodent, was stupid enough to cheat on Uma Thurman. Yes, Uma freaking Thurman. Mr. Hawke is ugly and apparently also a moron to boot.

So why horror movies? I’m not sure, but maybe when you are riding your bike alone in a basement watching someone get messily eviscerated and eaten by vampires, you can think “Yes, this is bad. But at least I’m not THAT guy.”