Sometimes it’s Hard to be a Woman
“Bike Like a Man”.
Good or bad, it’s a mantra I use when I want to bike strong.
I recently discovered I may have taken this mantra a bit too far when I overheard a couple of spectators at last weekend’s race debating my gender. I was racing at the time and unable to clarify the situation, so merely had to weave around them through the course while they discussed the matter.
Specatator #1: “I was wondering about that one, I thought it was a man, but I think now maybe a woman.”
Spectator #2: “Yeah, look at the legs. Woman. I’m pretty sure.”
Spectator #1: “Yes, you’re right. But at first I thought man.”
Damn compression bras. Or maybe it was my height, broad shoulders, or refusal to ask for directions during the race. So what’s a girl to do to make sure she’s not the object of scorn (or confusion) when entering the ladies’ room? I refuse to wear pink when I ride, or have any pink bits on my bike whatsoever. And makeup just gets in your eyes when you sweat (trust me on this one).
I was at a loss until I came across the latest Assos catalogue from Switzerland. In the land where the men are men and the women wear white leather pants, there are clearly defined lines when it comes to gender.
In the pages of the catalogue, Assos demonstrates how its products are to be worn by the rougher sex:
When I flipped to the pages featuring products for women, it became immediately apparent I have be wearing my cycling gear all wrong, which may explain why I was mistaken for a man while racing. Apparently, women are supposed to wear their cycling gear like this:
So you see, it’s not my height or other similarly manly physical attributes that are at issue. I have merely not been accessorizing correctly. I shall immediately trade in my helmet and sport shades for some glamorously large sunglasses and a colourful scarf. It looks like my shoes are all wrong too.
It is certainly a relief to have this bothersome problem solved. Thanks Assos!