Naughty or Nice?

Whether we like it or not, the holidays are upon us, which mean we will be forced to spend all of our hard-earned money on other people instead of the new carbon fibre cyclocross bike we really want. On the upside, the people who really know and love you will shower you with love in the form of bike-related gifts, because nothing makes shopping easier than when someone has a unnatural obsession.

In the spirit of the season of over-eating, drinking and spending, here are a few ideas for the bike-obsessed person in your life (or for your own list, as the case may be). For your convenience, I have categorized this list by degree of naughty or niceness. If you are unsure where you fall, check out this handy app that tracks your pottymouth on Twitter. Do that later. Read this first.

Really, Really Nice
If your wallet is weighing you down, and your fireplace just can’t handle anymore paper currency, you are probably in the position to really spoil that special bikey someone who’s been EXTRA good with this 24k plated gold bicycle from Aurumania, because why not? It costs about $100K and even has a matching gold rack, but I think that might be extra. I don’t know where Aurumania is, but it looks like a pretty nice place.

Of course, if that’s a bit too rich for your blood, you could track down some pantographed Guerciotti downtube shifters, circa 1980. Because I bet someone out there really, really wants them and was really, really good.

Very Nice
I am a big fan of Road Holland, not only because they make great looking stuff, but because they understand that pink is not a universally mandatory uniform for all humans of the female persuasion. Earlier this year they released the Amsterdam, a long sleeve jersey (with THREE ACTUAL POCKETS) in… wait for it…. celeste. Meow.

Being winter and all, the right gear can not only help keep your crazy year-round cyclist nice and cozy, but could also help them not freeze to death. The go-to people for cozy are Ice Breaker – who have made friends with some merino-type sheep who are nice enough to provide the raw materials. While it may not make the crazy go away, these base layers will help keep your loved one warm and dry.

Quite Nice
Everybody loves Eddy Merckx. Sure he might have had his naughty moments, but unlike a certain someone who is besties with Oprah, people actually liked him anyway. Named for the 525 victories he amassed in the course of his career, this coffee table book is crammed with some really beautiful old-timey photos that don’t even need Instagram filters to be good. Oh, and Eddy Freaking Merckx. That is all.

Photos from here. Available through VeloPress.

Speaking of coffee, I bet if Eddy was forced to drink terrible North American-style coffee, he would drink it from this awesome vintage Molteni coffee cup from Cycling Souvenirs.

Of course if he wanted a fancy espresso, he could always use one of these.Depending how nice he is, you might even want to throw in a gift card for his favourite nail salon. So matchy! You can order sets of these awesome little espresso cups from either their European site here, or the North American one here.

While you’re at it, you should order some of these for yourself BECAUSE THEY ARE THE COOLEST THING EVER!

You will have the best Christmas tree in the universe. You’re welcome.

Cyclists love bags. No really. We love them. Almost as much as we love coffee, wine, and craft beers. NYMB.co in New York carries a great selection of handmade bags to hold all of your cycling essentials, like a nice bottle of Masi Modello Delle Venezie Rosso, for example.You will, of course recognize this wine rack from our friend Jesse Heber from Quebec, because I talk about it, like, all the time. NYMB.co have bags for more practical items like your cell phone, so you can Tweet, Facebook and Instagram the shit out of your ride.I have this little number from Road Runner Bags – in green to match my hair when I spend too much time in the local swimming pool.

Naughty (but in a nice way)
Some people just can’t help being a little naughty, and let’s face it, that’s what makes us love them. These are the people who make the office Christmas party a thing to remember, and keep the HR department busy all year round.

Naughty people love things that sound dirty, even if they aren’t. Things like bike lube. If you are going to go there (and you should), get the good stuff. Phil Wood grease seems to be many a bike mechanic lube of choice. And the packaging is nice, so I approve. Available at your LBS, in combination with the matching Road Holland jersey, this gift upgrades to Very Nice.

Naughty
I’m a firm believer that most people are predisposed to goodness, but just make bad decisions sometimes. Take for example the Specialized legal team. Very, very naughty. What better time than the holidays to lay down some tough love? Sorry guys. Pick up your socks and maybe next year you’ll get the gold bike.

Wishing all of you happy shopping!